Opinions of a Wolf

I have always wanted to be athletic.  The version of me that tends to populate fantasy land is essentially the female version of 007.  This is so not realistic though, and I’m not just saying that I can’t do backflips.  My lack of athleticism is so strong that one of my most frequent memories of schoolyard sports is getting hit in the face by basketballs.  This pretty much happened any time I was anywhere near a basketball court.  I didn’t even have to be playing.  I also have asthma and have this tendency to have to stop running to wheeze.  God help me if there’s ever a zombie uprising.

In spite of all this, I still, inexplicably, delude myself into thinking that this time it will be different and sublimely attempt various athletic to semi-athletic endeavor.  Last weekend this endeavor was ice skating.  I remembered ice skating when I was a kid on the beaver ponds near our house.  I was definitely good at it.  I’d play hockey with my brother and his friends.  Why did it take me so long to remember my awesomeness? I wondered.  I discovered a free skating rink in the North End with $5 skate rentals.  I asked a friend to meet me there, and it was on like Donkey Kong.

I got the skates in the biggest size they had, because I have inexplicably large feet for my short stature.  I laced myself up and fought my way through the 2 foot tall terrors to get onto the ice.  I stepped on and almost fell flat on my face.  Hmm, this is not the me on ice that I remember.  I desperately grabbed for the wall and glared at the children flying around using stacked up plastic crates to keep from falling down.  That is so cheating, and no wonder kids are growing up to be such wimps these days, but I digress.  Whilst holding onto the wall and taking tentative skating steps, I realized there was growing pain in my feet.  The skates were way way too narrow.  I also suddenly remembered that I used hockey skates, not figure skates growing up which explained why I couldn’t seem to handle the ice.  You use movements more like roller blading for hockey skates, whereas figure skates are more like roller skates.  I am not a roller skating girl.  I got halfway around the rink, thinking my feet would go numb or something, but they suddenly were in excruciating agony, and I am not exaggerating.  Realizing that I would probably be that woman crying on the rink if I didn’t get off the ice asap, I changed my course and headed down the middle of the rink, abandoning the wall and hoping I wouldn’t land on my ass.  I managed to make it to the door safe and sound and hastily ripped off the skates.  Every step I took still hurt.  It turns out I somehow pulled most of the muscles and tendons on top of my right foot, and I’ve been limping most of the week.

I’d say in the future I won’t attempt athletic things again, but I know myself.  I can just see me taking skiing lessons at some point in the near future.  I’m bound to tell myself If you can snowshoe, you can totally ski, Amanda.  I guess it’s just lucky for me that I don’t live in a climate with more dangerous recreational sports.

Happy weekend everyone!