Opinions of a Wolf

Every year I mark the start of the holiday season with the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.  The lights!  The music!  The lingerie!  The half-clad back-up dancers!  The holiday-themed VS commercials played during the Fashion Show that is essentially one long commercial.

Anyway, this year’s was a bit disappointing compared to what I refer to as The Year of the Tartan Themed Line, but.  It was still the VS Fashion Show.  So, let’s take a look at it, shall we?

The night started off with a bang with the Tough Love line.  This line is supposed to appeal to women who like to be feminine and tough.  Yes, please, thank you.

Hot stuff.

Also, notice the gold glitter runway?  I’m not sure how they did that.  The glitter didn’t seem to move around, but it’s way cool.

The next line, however, was one of the weirdest things I’ve seen in a while from VS.  They call it the Country Girl line.  I call it the Grandma I’d Like to Fuck line.  GILF for short.  This line featured tons of lace (barf) and, I shit you not, quilts.  Quilts covering the model’s asses. Wtf, VS. Wtf.

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Now the next line, Game On, was fun for multiple reasons.  First, the shirtless back-up dancers doing various upper-body strength moves.  Which I cannot find a picture of, because clearly the internet does not have its priorities in order.  This line was clearly about the designers showing off their artistic skills far more than designing many things a woman would actually wear in the bedroom.  The outfits were still all cool to look at though.  Well, and there was one outfit that was totally wearable.

Would I wear this? Hells yes.

They followed this up with a very stereotypical jungle/wild animals/bla bla bla oh ladies, don’t you feel like a wild thing?  The best part of this line, by far, were the shirtless male back-up dancers doing tribal dances.  Now this whole jungle thing isn’t exactly my cup of tea, but I get some women like it, so whatever.  Unfortunately, something possessed one of the designers, and they thought it would be brilliant to design a bra and panty set that are attached to each other.

Yes, VS. Because clearly I want my lingerie to look like I made some very bad decisions in the swimsuit aisle.

Yeah, I have no idea what they were thinking.  There was also a line that I think was supposed to be angels.  There were a lot of wings and Akon rambling, er *cough*, singing on about how women are angels.

There were a lot of really boring outfits like this one and Akon looking like he was having a seizure in the background.

Let’s move on, shall we?

Naturally that just left the Pink collection, which I always find fun and amusing.  There was one year where they were all toy soldiers or something like that, anyone remember that?  That was fun.  Well this year appeared to be the year of putting the pride rainbow into all of the outfits.  This was awesome.  I love that VS did this, and it also led to one of my favorite angel wing outfits that I’ve seen in the fashion shows so far.

Thigh highs? Yes. Clear plastic pride flag wings? Hells yes.

Yeah, um, I kind of want that outfit, and I’m not even gay.  So pretty!

That pretty much wrapped up the evening.  The models came out and did their prancing/bowing to the camera thing.

Random Thoughts:

• Yes, I know Katy Perry “sang.” Twice. Her new album is nowhere near as good as her first one, and she looked like she was going into labor every time she came anywhere near a high C.
• I know that the straight guys (and possibly the lesbians) watching the show probably enjoy the interviews with the models, but is it really necessary to try to convince us that their job is hard?  We know it’s not.  Stop messing with us, VS.
• Quote of the evening: “I fantasize more about wings than I ever would about my wedding.”  Clearly this model has her priorities in order.  Also, I can never imagine my life goal being to wear VS wings, but….whatever floats your boat?  Also, anyone have any idea what she’ll do now that she’s achieved her highest dream in her early 20s?
• Dear cameraman: You could be a *bit* more subtle at the zoom in on the boobs shots.  Just saying.