Opinions of a Wolf

This was a relatively dull episode featuring far too much Ronnie/Sammi drama, but the previews promise us that the next episode will include the infamous ARREST OF SNOOKI.  So we have that to look forward to.

The fight that started at the end of last week’s episode between Sammi and JWWOW quickly fizzles when a couple of big, black MTV bodyguards split the girls up.  This is intriguing because in previous seasons it was always the other roommates who split fights up, but this time they seemed content to watch JWWOW smash Sammi.  A dramatic camera close-up shows us that *someone* lost a fistful of hair, but it was unclear who.  I’m hoping Sammi.

Later, while Sammi pouts and Ronnie sits there trying to be a good boyfriend but clearly bored to tears, the roommates prep to go out.  Snooki and Deena remind us yet again that they are like totally “two peas in a pod.”  The men of the house then start a debate over whether Deena’s boobs are real or fake.  She informs them that they’re real, and then one of the guys asks, “What’s in boobs anyway?”  Deena says, “I dunno.  Fat?”  Dude says, “What about milk?”  Deena replies that she thinks that’s only there when you’re pregnant.  I have never face-palmed so much over a conversation in my entire life.

The roommates (minus Ronnie and Sammi) go out.  Vinny is convinced he has a stalker at the club.  If he in fact does, we all know it’s because of the show and not him.  He’s the most forgettable of the bunch.  Snooki gets trashed and randomly hides in a bush then informs the camera, “I will pee in a bush; I will poop in a bush; I will hide in a bush.”  ……Good to know?…….JWWOW brings her home and calls her boyfriend who’s randomly being pissy at her, which seems odd until he hangs up the phone with “and happy anniversary to you too.”  Oh snap.  JWWOW forgot their anniversary.  Um, dude, just a friendly suggestion here but maybe you should dump the girl who’s happier to be at the Shore than with you and forgets your anniversary?  Just a suggestion.

The most bizarre out of left field part of this episode occurs the next morning when Ronnie and Sammi get up and GO TO CHURCH.  If I wasn’t agnostic, I’d have fully expected them to get struck by lightning the instant they set foot in there.  Alas, we did not get to see them actually in the church, so I remain skeptical about that.  Maybe they just *said* they were going to church but really went and fucked on a beach somewhere?  I am baffled.

The rest of the crew rolls out of bed sometime in the early afternoon and are all pissed that Ronnie and Sammi took the car without like saying anything to anyone or leaving a note or anything.  They then all do GTL.  We get to see JWWOW do some punching, but it is far less cathartic than if Sammi had been on the receiving end of it.  The crew then cooks family Sunday dinner and are very peeved that Ronnie and Sammi aren’t there for it.  When Ronnie and Sammi get back, Ronnie looks like a beat up puppydog, and Sammi is just generally a bitch to everyone.  Naturally.  Deena sums it up best (shockingly), “I have no idea why Sammi’s here. She’s boring. She’s just there. She’s like furniture.”  Yes.  Bitchy, annoying furniture.

The next day Deena, Situation, and I believe Vinny “work” at the tshirt shop from last summer.  That owner has the patience of a saint.  Later, Snooki and Deena play kickball on the roof of the house, which is not in itself interesting, but when they loose the ball, Vinny comes to help.  He and Snooki make multiple blatant insinuations that when they hooked up, Vinny’s penis was too big for Snooki’s vagina.  I can’t decide if this means that Vinny has a huge-ass penis, or Snooki has a freakishly small vagina to go along with how short she is.  In any case, this has led to me imagining the two of them naked together, and I did *not* need that image in my head!

Later everyone, including Ronnie and Sammi, go out to the boardwalk.  For those who don’t know, the boardwalk on the Shore is basically a carnival.  It looks entirely awesome, and I don’t know how I missed going to it when I was on the Shore that one summer.  Ronnie actually starts running around having fun with everyone while Sammi stands in the middle of the street being pissed off and generally a wet blanket on the whole evening.  When they get home, Sammi tearfully tells Ronnie how much he hurt her when he cheated on her in Miami.  He tells her that he knows what he did was wrong, but “at least I came home to you every night.”  Sammi looks like she just got slapped in the face, and I suddenly feel sympathy for her.  She should have listened to her girlfriends instead of ostracizing them over the skeezebucket of a “man” that is Ronnie, but sometimes people in love do stupid things.