Opinions of a Wolf

Summary:
Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, is a social work research professor.  She’s spent years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame.  In this book, she presents her research on what she calls “Wholehearted living,” a way of living shared by the most content people she has interviewed in her years of research.  Dr. Brown argues that the key to a happy, fulfilled life is to engage with the world from a place of worthiness.  The book also offers 10 guideposts on how to fully achieve Wholehearted living.

Review:
Dr. Brown was a guest speaker on the only podcast I listen to (On Being with Krista Tippett).  Her episode where she discussed the power of vulnerability struck such a chord with me that I sought out one of her books to read.  This was the first one I could get my hands on.  Although at first the text seems simplistic, particularly compared to the podcast I listened to, with time the overarching picture Dr. Brown is painting becomes clear, and it truly is inspirational.

The guideposts each consist of one thing to cultivate and one thing to let go of.  Each guidepost ends with suggestions for working on both.  For instance, guidepost two is cultivate self-compassion and let go of perfectionism.  The chapter ends with a link to an online quiz to see which areas of self-compassion you need more work on.  I like that Dr. Brown gives the reader both something to stop doing and something to replace it with.  It’s easy to say, “Don’t do this,” but it’s much harder to give someone something positive to replace it with.  Some of the guideposts felt more relevant than others, but that will definitely be a personal thing for each reader.  For instance, I didn’t really need someone to tell me to get creative instead of comparing myself to others, but I did need to hear about cultivating calm and stillness and letting go of anxiety.  How useful you will find the book will probably be related to how many guideposts are applicable to your own life.  Skim through the table of contents and see how the different guideposts resonate with you.

Dr. Brown’s advice is based on scientific research, but she also brings a real person element to her book.  She is very honest with the reader about her own vulnerabilities as a person and as a woman and which guideposts she struggles the most with herself.  Some of her stories may seem a bit silly at first to the reader, particularly since Dr. Brown’s life seems to be a relatively easy one, but ultimately they lend a sense of connection and realness to the book that allows the reader to ponder the information at a deeper level.

The issues she addresses are quite universal, including: the desire to fit in, shame, authenticity, perfectionism, resilience, hope, addiction, and power.  At first what she states may seem obvious or too simple, but the reader will find themselves returning to these simple sentences later on at key moments and saying, “Huh, it’s not as obvious or as simple as I thought at first.”  Here are just a few examples:

Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. (page 26)

Healthy striving is self-focused–How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused–What will they think? (page 5)

I define calm as creating perspective and mindfulness while managing emotional reactivity. (page 106)

When we value being cool and in control over granting ourselves the freedom to unleash the passionate, goofy, heartfelt, and soulful expressions of who we are, we betray ourselves. When we consistently betray ourselves, we can expect to do the same to the people we love. (page 123)

Although the book can at first seem obvious and Dr. Brown’s personal examples overly simple, this book actually takes a complex topic and clearly explains it at a personable level, complete with suggested methods to implement the changes Dr. Brown suggests.  This book presents the scientifically-researched fact that a happy, fulfilled life comes from living authentically and being kinder to yourself.  Recommended to anyone feeling frazzled, stressed, or generally dissatisfied with their life.  Dr. Brown’s book shows another, simpler way to be.

4 out of 5 stars

Source: Library

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