Archive
Friday Fun! (On Health and Entitlement of Women’s Bodies)
Hello my lovely readers! Sorry for the relatively smaller amount of reviews this week. I’ve finished a few books, but didn’t have the time to write up the reviews yet. This just means next week will be full. :-)
I have a relatively serious topic I want to talk about today. You guys know that I take health and the obesity epidemic seriously. One argument that I’ve heard a lot of unhealthy women make is that they put on a ton of weight to avoid men. They weren’t comfortable with the attention, etc… I remember thinking, when I, at the time, was overweight myself, “How bad could it really be?” Turns out…..pretty bad.
Over the last year, I’ve gone from a size 16 to a size 10. Over the last month, I’ve had more encounters with men who feel entitled to my body than I had over the entire two years I was overweight. I know correlation does not necessarily equal causation, but in some cases it does.
I’m a single lady. I date. I go places where single people hang out to try to meet new people. I do what single people in cities do. I dress attractively, because I WANT to, but also because I’ve worked damn HARD for this body, and I’m proud of my work. I’m not saying I’m Miss America, and I wouldn’t want to be, but I definitely look happy and healthy when I go out. Much more so than when I was overweight. I get hit on. I get asked on dates. This also happened when I was overweight. The difference, though, is that now when I dare to say the word no a much higher percentage of them get downright angry at me.
He’ll say something like, “Do you want to go on a date?” I say, “No, thank you.” He says, “WHY?! Think you’re too good for me?!” or “Well you shouldn’t dress that way if you don’t want attention” or “Please, you obviously need a good fucking.” (I am not exaggerating. These all have been spoken or texted or what have you to me).
Worse, though, is I’ll go on a first date. Usually dinner or drinks. I have a nice enough time, but I can tell we wouldn’t work long-term, and I want a relationship at this point in my life. He leans in for a kiss, and I turn my cheek or he asks me for a second date and I say no I don’t think it’ll work out. The reaction generally is, “You owe me, I bought you dinner!” or “How can you possibly know after only one date?!” or “Well, I thought you were ugly anyway.” (That last one, btw, makes zero sense since he ASKED ME OUT TO START WITH).
What really aggravates me about these interactions isn’t their disappointment that I said no. Obviously, that is flattering. What is bothersome is the evident sense of entitlement over MY BODY that they have. I’m pretty and single. They’re available and have a penis, ergo, I must want them or I’m a horrible woman. Since when did my body become the possession of every straight man in the greater Boston area?
Oh yeah, since I started glowing with health.
It’s draining. It’s enough to make me not want to go out some nights. It’s enough to make me want to stick my earbuds in in public and ignore everyone. Of course, I’m me, so I’m not going to do these things. I’m going to keep being my awesome self and feminist hulksmashing the douchebags (verbal smack-down, folks, not a physical one), but. If I didn’t have such a strong personality or had personal issues or WHATEVER I could totally see this being a thing that would make me stop working out, stop eating healthy, stop it all and just hide to protect myself.
Do you see where I’m going here? This misogynistic entitlement to women’s bodies is a poison to our whole society. A POISON. Every time you police a woman’s body or act entitled to her or watch it happen to a woman and not stand up for her, you are essentially watching the cook poison the food and then serve it to the dinner party without saying anything or trying to stop him. It hurts everyone, and it is not ok! It is just as bad as those cultures (that I know Americans judge) that say, “Women need to cover up because they tempt men.” Our cultural impetus is the opposite. “This woman is young and healthy and available ergo I deserve her body.”
No. You. Don’t.
I vow to say something any time I hear this attitude happening, and not just to me. I vow to encourage all women to remember that our bodies are ours and our health is about US and not about THEM. I hope you all will do the same.
Friday Fun! (FI Steps and One Year Gym Anniversary)
Hello my lovely readers! Wow, can you believe it’s February already? Craziness. It seems like January just flew right by.
So you know that I’ve started following the steps laid out in Your Money or Your Life. One of them is tallying up your categories each month to see where your “life energy” went. My first month of tallying was December to give me a clear idea of where I was starting from. So this was my first real month on the plan, thinking through everything as $7 = 1 hour of my life. When I did my tallies, I am shocked to report, that my expenditures went down by 83.7 hours!! And I wasn’t even really trying! I just stopped and thought if each purchase was really worth X hours of my life. The book said thinking that way just naturally curbs spending, but I really truly am shocked at how much it did in just one month.
In other exciting news, this weekend marks my one year anniversary of gym membership and commitment to my health. I’ll be doing my measurements and such with my trainer, but I don’t even need them done to know it’s working. I just feel so much healthier than I did a year ago. I have more energy, sleep better, have more enthusiasm, can handle things better. It feels so much better to go take your stress out in the gym than in other unhealthy ways like drinking, eating, or vegging out in front of the tv. It’s a real positivity boost. Anyway, in honor of my one year achievement, I’m finally going to let myself get a real gym bag. I hadn’t let myself because I refuse to spend money on things I might not stick with, but it’s obvious this habit is here to stay. I can’t wait to have a real gym bag with compartments for dirty clothes and shoes and straps to hold on a yoga mat. It’s definitely going to be worth the life energy it costs for the purchase. ;-)
This weekend I’m going to be very busy with a couple of projects I’m excited about. February is going to be awesome. :-)
Happy weekends all!
Friday Fun! (Freelance Editing, Reading Projects, and United States of Tara)
Hello my lovely readers! Gosh, things have been hopping here this January, haven’t they? I’m not sure why my reading has reached such a nice, steady rhythm, but I’m certainly enjoying it. :-)
A quick announcement. I’ve decided to start freelance editing. If you’re at all interested, please check out the dedicated page for more details. You all know that I’m a trustworthy, hard-working, smart gal, so I’d also appreciate it tons if you’d help spread the news. Thanks!
I was super-pleased at the extent of conversation and interaction that the first book for the Diet for a New America Reading Project saw. Thanks guys! Next month is The China Study
Tomorrow is the discussion of the penultimate book in The Real Help Reading Project–Blanche on the Lam
On Wednesday I was home sick, and you know how sometimes when you’re sick you just don’t have the focus to read. I therefore poked around my Netflix account and was pleased to see that the final season of United States of Tara was finally up on instant. The United States of Tara is a Showtime half-hour show about a woman with Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) trying to learn to cope with her disease without creativity-numbing medications so she can be free again to pursue her art. I was very pleased with the first two seasons that showed the reality of coping with a mental disease, but that did not demonize Tara or bestow sainthood upon her family members. I thus was really disappointed to see the third season take such a nosedive, and now I’m thinking I’m going to have to remove it from my recommended list.
The thing that made US of Tara so appealing in the first two seasons was that, yes, sometimes Tara did bad things as the result of her illness, but she was fairly good at finding a balance. She made mistakes like healthy people, just for different reasons. In season three, though, Tara develops a new alter who is pure evil. We’re talking stabby, Psycho sound effects, steals babies and tears her own teenage son’s room apart evil. This alter is an abuser alter–an alter who takes on the whole personality of Tara’s abuser. Now this is a real thing in DID (source) but the show handles it all wrong. Yes, the new alter is scary and would be to all of the known alters, Tara, and her family. However, having the alter kill all of Tara’s other alters then Tara kill the abuser alter is the exact opposite of how healthy healing from DID works. Healthy healing is either learning to cope with having alters or integration. Killing your alters and then proceeding to run off to therapy after the fact shrieks of writers who didn’t get their facts straight. For a show that started off so strongly and well-supported by the Mental Illness Alliance community, I was really disappointed in this.
The other bad message in season three that really bothers me as an advocate is the change in Tara’s family and how they handle things. Tara basically becomes too much for them to handle, and they all want to ship her off and lock her up. Ok, some people do need in-patient treatment, and I definitely would have re-entered Tara into real therapy much sooner than her family does to prevent all this drama in the first place, but essentially the family comes to say that Tara isn’t worth it. Tara is too much to handle. They’re just gonna go do their thing now. They even judge Max, Tara’s husband, for refusing to not continue to stick by her. He insists repeatedly that he’s neither a stupid person nor a saint. He just loves Tara. Yet, in the end, the whole family is torn apart, leaving just Max and Tara.
While it is, unfortunately, very true that a lot of people abandon loved ones with a mental illness, one of the positive aspects of this show was that it let people with a mental illness believe that in an enlightened family unit, it doesn’t have to be that way. Season three kills all that. The only one who truly loves and advocates for Tara is Max, and everyone else feels pity for him because of it. Sad stuff. Definitely not advocate stuff.
Friday Fun! (Fitness Goals, GoodReads Groups)
Hello my lovely readers! I hope 2012 is treating you all well so far. :-)
I had a nice, quiet weekend last weekend, and it was just what I needed after all the holiday hullabaloo. I alternated between reading and editing my novel. I’m about 40% ish of the way through with the edits. It’s a time-consuming process, since I insist on reading it out loud to help, but I’m very excited about it.
My trainer asked all of his clients to come up with new goals for the new year. My goal for a long time has been man-style pushups. I’m getting close to that, though, so I do need to come up with something new for afterwards. Maybe unassisted pull-ups? Work on my running? Dips with weights? It’ll take a bit of thought.
The weather this winter has been very odd. We had one actual snowstorm in October and a dusting of snow this month. Mostly though it’s been just warm enough for disgustingly cold rain. I literally have not worn my winter boots yet! On the one hand, it’s helping save on the heating bill, but on the other, I miss winter!
I have Monday off for MLK Day, so I have a three-day weekend, yay! I’ll be doing my usual reading, gym, writing, cooking weekend relaxation. I also am hoping to make it to this free class on growing greens without dirt in your kitchen in the winter. Fresh greens in my salad, how cool would that be?!
Don’t forget that tomorrow is the return of The Real Help. We’ll be discussing To ‘Joy My Freedom: Southern Black Women’s Lives and Labors after the Civil War
Oh, and, for those of you on GoodReads, I set up a group for the MIA Challenge as well as for Diet for a New America. Be sure to check them out! I’m hoping to get some discussion boards going on both soon. Also feel free to friend me if we aren’t already friends on GoodReads. :-)
Happy weekends all!
Friday Fun! (Reading Goals for 2012)
It’s that time of year again! Time to think about my reading goals for the year. Reading is one of my main passions in life (I’d say the others are writing, fitness, and animal rights). I love it, but I also like to see how I change and grow and provide myself with a bit of direction, especially now that I’m out of school. (YAY). To that end, let’s first take a glance at my goals from January 2011 and see how I did.
Successful:
- Read 100 books. I am so freaking HAPPY to say that I not only met this goal but surpassed it! Yay me!
- Frugality. I had a hard time deciding if this was actually a success or not, after all I DID purchase a kindle. However, buying my kindle opened up a whole world of cheaper books for me, including eARCs and the land of 99cent kindle sales. I also completely stopped using PaperBackSwap and found a library branch convenient to my lifestyle. By some odd combination of all three of those, I’d definitely say I drastically improved in this area, so I’m counting it a success.
Unsuccessful:
- Travel the seven continents. HAHAHAHA. This wasn’t just a fail. It was an epic fail. My first book for this goal set me off on a Chinese lit tangent and then getting to know Amy and Kinna got me onto Nigerian lit and Ghanaian lit and then The Real Help Project got me onto black lit and um….yeah. One thing I realized about my reading style is I get into things and read everything I can get my hands on in one fell swoop. That means these challenges that cover large areas are just not for me. I’m still happy with the new places I visited via my reading though.
Goals for 2012:
- TBR Pile Challenge with Amy. Amy was doing a challenge with her roommate, and I elbowed my way in. (Thanks, sweety!) As of January 1st, I had 47 books that I acquired before 2011 still unread. My goal is to finish them all this year and hopefully faster than Amy can finish hers (47 from before 2009). Whichever one of us finishes first gets a kindle book courtesy of the other. I obviously wanted to read these books at some point, so I may as well do so sooner rather than later! I mean, goodness, they were on my shelf over a year without being read? Oh dear. See the whole list here.
- Diet for a New America Reading Project. My passion for health and a reversion of the American health crisis and obesity epidemic led me to create this project. Every month (we hope) on the third Saturday I’ll be reviewing a pre-determined book and hopefully at some point each month at least one fitness book or cookbook. See the list of planned books and more details about the project here.
- One historic nonfiction book a month. Memoirs do not count, unless they are written by critical figures. Biographies do count. Preferably about: time periods I know very little about, history of non-whites in the US, socialism, animal rights, etc….
- Read 110 books. 100 books was such a challenge that I’m just going to push myself a tiny bit, haha.
- Finish catching up with my accepted ARCs. This was a goal in December, and I did a pretty good job with it. I’m almost caught up, but not quite yet.
- Read six environmental nonfiction books. The count last year was kind of sad for someone whose life goals involve minimalist living, positive or at least neutral impact on the environment, etc… Vegetarian/vegan/animal liberation books do not count in this category. Preservation of endangered species does.
Phew! I think that’s more than enough goals for me for the year! What do you guys think of them? Any plans for your reading for this year?
Friday Fun! (Happy Festivhanumas!)
Hello my lovely readers! Yes, I totally made up that amalgamation of the three holidays I’m celebrating this year, but I think it works, yes?
For Festivus, which is today, I mostly just air grievances. I suppose I could wrestle my cat like my friend Sara does with hers, but I do that quite a bit anyway, so not so special. I will be airing grievances on twitter today (I can just hear my twitter followers saying AS USUAL ahem), but I also will air a few book and book blogging related ones here. I hate that horrible stupid books like The Help and Twilight get all the acclaim and backing from publishing houses while non-white, non-western, and non-traditional ones get ignored. I really can’t stand that stupid Waiting on Wednesday meme, and I honestly do not get it. I hate it when bloggers don’t write their own book summaries and instead grab them from Amazon or GoodReads or what-not. I honestly do not like Book Blogger Appreciation Week. It reminds me a lot of the voting for homecoming king and queen in highschool. I hate it when authors and/or publishers either read your review requests rules and ignore them or skip reading them altogether before contacting you. *exhales* See why Festivus is awesome?
Thankfully Chanukkah involves 8 crazy nights, so I have lots of chances to celebrate it both contemplatively alone and with friends! I’ve already been lighting my candles (very late) when I get home from the gym with my kitty. She’s been pretty good about not tackling the menorah. So far. But this weekend I will be celebrating with three different friends–Nina, Josh, and Sara. Josh I haven’t seen in um….two years? So I’m super-excited for his visit! I am also looking forward to making latkes and having an excuse to eat sour cream. Also to reading The Latke Who Couldn’t Stop Screaming, which is now a tradition since my dad gave it to me last yearish. It may have been the year before.
Comparatively, my Christmas is low-key this year, since I spent Thanksgiving with my family. I finally pulled out my (short fake) tree last night, but still need to decorate it. The cat, however, is very pleased with the ability to hide behind and just generally sniff it. I’ve already watched The Grinch and Emmett Otter’s Jugband Christmas. All that’s left for the annual viewing is Claymation Christmas. I still have some gift swapping to do with friends and some to hand out to those folks you’re supposed to give gifts to (like landlords), but I’m very close to being done! And then it is
ON TO NEW YEAR’S MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY AND THIS YEAR @BITCHYLIBRARIAN IS VISITING ME FOR IT AHHHHHH
Friday Fun! (Furniture, Anne Rice, TBR Challenge)
Hello my lovely readers! My, what a busy month this has been so far, and it’s only going to get busier!
My dad got me a mini kitchen island type piece of furniture to add much-needed cabinet and counter-top space to my very much utilized Boston kitchen! It arrived in a 76 pound box that I have yet to open. One of my Saturday goals is to assemble the thing. I’ve already warned my neighbor that there may be yelling and throwing of things involved. ;-)
If you follow me on twitter, then you know that last night I got a package from Random House containing an ARC of Anne Rice’s new novel. SQUEEEE It’s coming out in February, and I’m honored that they consider me worthy of an ARC by such an awesome writer. BTDUBS you guys, it’s totally a werewolf book. Yup. Rice is taking on the werewolves now. :-)
Amy and I have agreed to a one-on-one challenge starting January 1st regarding our TBR piles. She’ll be tackling her 45 (right, Amy?) pre-2009 acquisitions, whereas I will be tackling my 44 pre-2011 acquisitions. Whoever finishes first wins a kindle book courtesy of the other. I’m already sitting staring at my pre-2011 acquisitions plotting at night. However, I’ll be good and not start til January! Partially because I’m currently doing my own personal challenge of catching up with the ARCs I accepted this year……
Tonight I’m going to a pub in a cute neighborhood of Boston with my friend Kat to listen to live music. (*cough* live metal music *cough*). It’s going to be a great Friday evening!
Happy weekends all!
Friday Fun! (Thanksgiving, Cooking)
Hello my lovely readers! I hope those of you who celebrate had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I had a great time with my dad. We ordered in Thai food, which he’d never had before. (I believe it was a hit). I showed him one of my favorite indie bookstores. He took me grocery shopping! (Which has been wonderful for me, I can tell you). We spoiled my kitty rotten and went to a couple of my favorite pubs. It was a wonderful weekend, and I hope to get to see him again very soon!
This week I got to see my friend Nina for the first time in around a month. We went for a super long walk together in the random Indian summer weather we had at the beginning of the week and made this stir-fry out of baby bok choy, onions, pepper, garlic, parsnips, carrots, and fake steak tips (they were soy). Oh, and sesame seeds!
Those of you book bloggers who are looking for projects and/or challenges for 2012, please be sure to check out my Diet for a New America page and my Mental Illness Advocacy 2012 page. Even if you don’t choose to participate in them, any mentions on your blogs, facebook, and twitter are most welcome! These types of things are always more fun the more people participate!
Also, if you missed it, I have an international giveaway currently running thanks to the author. Be sure to check that out too!
This weekend I’ll be training in the gym, going to a tree trimming party, and editing zombies. Also hopefully cooking something up in the slow-cooker to freeze into single servings for lunches. Busy busy!
Happy weekends all!
Friday Fun! (Happy Thanksgiving!)
Hello my lovely readers! For once I’m actually writing this a couple of days ahead of time, because it is American Thanksgiving this weekend, and I’m going to be one busy lady. My dad is coming down from Vermont to spend a few days with me in my lovely city of Boston. I’m looking forward to the quality time. It’s something that’s hard to come by when you live in a different state from your parent. I’m also excited for him to see me looking far healthier than the last time he was here, which was almost a year ago!
There will probably not be anything particularly traditional about our Thanksgiving, since I’m a vegetarian, and there’s only two of us. We may go out. We may order in. We may make tacos. Who knows. We will, however, definitely be drinking beer and watching the game. We are traditional Americans in THAT regard. ;-)
Once he heads back for home I’ll be doing the laundry, getting in some quality gym time, and finally getting started on editing zombies. I’m aiming for a release date toward the end of January and am excited about this book. Whereas the Tova Gallagher series is a just for fun romance novella lite, zombies is all about the feminist scifi and horror writer inside me. It’s a different kind of excitement. A more serious one.
I do want to take a moment to ask you all to seriously consider avoiding the crass consumerism that is Black Friday sales this weekend if at all possible. I understand money is tight, trust me, I do, but all you have to do is youtube some videos of the types of mobs that happen to see how disgusting this obsession with stuff can be. Spend your long weekend with loved ones, whether related by blood or by choice. Get outside. Go for a hike. Read a book. Go to the library! Just don’t spend your precious hours off obsessed with stuff. As Tyler Durden says, you don’t own your stuff. Your stuff owns you.
Happy weekend all!
Friday Fun! (Holiday Book Swap Time!)
Hello my lovely readers! Can you believe next week is Thanksgiving already? Time flies! I had a cold this week, so I only was healthy enough to make it to the gym once. Sadness! But I did track my calories to make sure this wouldn’t cause a slump, and I’m seeing my trainer tomorrow.
I’m not a huge holiday person, but one of the things that I do enjoy is the various secret santa/book swap events that happen in the month of December for book bloggers. I had a lovely time participating last year, so I was stoked to see the information go up. In fact, I’m participating in two different ones this year.
First up is the one I did last year Book Blogger Holiday Swap. Alas, the deadline for that one was November 11th, so it’s too late for any of you to sign up. But! I already got my information for my swap partner. I can’t wait to raid the used book cellar in Harvard and challenge myself to find awesome presents for her.
Next is a swap that Amy let me know about–A Broke and Bookish Secret Santa. Apparently she participated last year and had a blast. I visited Broke and Bookish’s blog and enjoyed it, so I signed up! The deadline to sign up for this one is TODAY, so get on that ya’ll!
You guys don’t even know how excited I am to get not one but TWO packages of books in the mail this year! There’s just something extra-nice about unwrapping books from a stranger who just so happens to be a fellow book lover.
Happy weekends all!
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This work by Amanda Nevius is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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