Archive
Movie Review: Scream 4 (2011)
Summary:
Sidney has returned to Woodsborough to kick off her book tour–a book all about overcoming being a victim. Dewey is the sheriff and married to Gale. Naturally on the eve of the anniversary of the original ghostface murders, new murders start occurring, and the townsfolk are not blind to the intense metaness of the whole thing.
Review:
The two words that best describe this movie are: hilarious slash-fest. And it knows it too. The insider jokes, the characters’ comments about how meta the whole thing is, movies within movies within movies, and the internet being worked into the plot all work together to make for a deliciously self-aware series that doesn’t take itself too seriously.
I have to say, I yet again did not figure out who Ghostface was, which is a huge plus in a franchise that has had to reinvent a similar theme over and over again. The blood and gore was still at a shocking level. They definitely kicked it up to the next notch. Plus the editing and story keeps everything fast-paced. As my friend who saw it with me pointed out, she didn’t look at the clock once, and that’s rare in a movie nowadays.
Could it have been better? Yes. If the ending had been taken a different direction, it would have gone from better than expected to reawakens the franchise. Alas, they didn’t take that step. It, however, is still an awesome sequel, particularly when Hollywood isn’t exactly known for generating good ones.
I highly recommend it to fans of the Scream franchise. You won’t be disappointed. You may even be surprised.
4 out of 5 stars
Source: theater
Movie Review: Red Riding Hood (2011)
Summary:
Valerie has always lived in a small village surrounded by a dark forest haunted by a werewolf every month at the full moon. For the last ten years the wolf has kept the peace with the town by accepting a sacrifice of a beloved livestock. Now Valerie is a woman and planning on eloping with her lover, Peter, to escape an undesired marriage to the smith’s son, Henry. Just as they are about to elope, though, Valerie’s sister is found dead. The victim of the wolf. Now the town brings in a priest of questionable character in an attempt to rid them of the curse once and for all.
Review:
To me this film was truly all about atmosphere, being a feast for the eyes like the village is a feast for the wolf. Although the first few moments of the film are set in harvest time, the rest of it is during winter, complete with beautiful snowfall scenes. The village itself is simultaneously sinister and picturesque. What truly makes the atmosphere though is the costuming. Gorgeous elbow-length knitted gloves. Covetable dresses with the perfect waist-length. Sleeveless cloaks worn by all in demure shades that truly make Valerie’s red cloak pop when she receives it from her grandmother. The entire atmosphere screams fairy tale.
The story was of course re-written with red riding hood made into a young woman instead of a little girl. The character of the wolf became more complex than just the big bad wolf in the woods. However, the key creepy elements of the fairy tale remain. In all honesty, I was surprised at how good of an updated adaptation this was, and I’ve seen my fair share of fairy tale adaptations.
The one draw-back was the awkward love triangle inserted into the story. There was one scene in particular that simply screamed “This director also directed Twilight!” Ugh. I’m getting incredibly sick of love triangles existing in any story that features young adults. Plus this scene elicited laughter from the audience, which I am pretty sure was not what the director was going for.
Overall, however, this was a delightful adaptation of a beloved fairy tale. I recommend it to lovers of fairy tales and adaptations, as well as those who enjoy an exquisite atmosphere in film.
4 out of 5 stars
Source: AMC movie theater
Movie Review: The Nightmare Never Ends (1980)
Summary:
A devout Catholic woman married to an atheist professor who has just published a book called God is Dead starts having nightmares about Nazis and dead people in the water. Meanwhile, a Jewish hunter of Nazi war criminals shows up mysteriously murdered with his face ripped off and the numbers “666” tattooed on his chest. The tenuous connections between these two soon reveal a dark presence on the planet.
Review:
This movie can best be summed up in the phrase: Satan at the Disco. Satan is not just alive and beautiful (not handsome, beautiful) but is a disco-going playboy complete with a harem of hypnotized women who actively participated in Nazi atrocities back in the day. In spite of Satan’s presence at the disco, I found myself wanting to go there. I have to say, it certainly seemed more appealing than Tequila Rain on Lansdowne Street.
This film is an odd mix of things done well and things done horribly badly. The special effects are surprisingly good for the time with certain scenes managing to surprise and/or gross out my friend and myself. Of note is one particular scene where a character’s eyeball pops out from his head. Quite gruesome for the special effects of the time. On the other hand, the actress playing the Catholic woman cannot act to save her life. She can, however, scream quite well, which is apparently what she was hired for. The plot is creative and features a fun twist at the end, but it wanders around a bit too much and is confusing for about the first 40 minutes of the film. It needed some serious editing before being filmed. Similarly, the set designers clearly had no comprehension of Jewish culture at all as they decided to show that the Jewish man’s ethnicity by randomly having a fully-loaded menorah ever-present on his nightstand. *face-palm*
In spite of these shortcomings though, the story is still unique enough that the film is enjoyable, particularly if you enjoy bad horror with a touch of classic 1970s disco. I therefore recommend it to the tiny percentage of the population for which both of those statements holds true.
3.5 out of 5 stars
Source: Gift
Movie Review: Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride (1973)
Summary:
A Satanic cult is doing something evil in a castle above a dungeon full of female vampires. Van Helsing is called in to help, and he insists that the king of all vampires, Count Dracula, is back.
Review:
My friend and I decided we wanted to have an old-school horror movie night. We chose the film before seeing it was shot in the 1970s. I immediately informed her that there would be boobies, mark my words. 1970s films are just *rampant* with boobs. Especially horror films. Sure enough, not even 30 seconds into the film, and there’s a naked woman on an altar having rooster blood (*cough* cock blood *cough*) poured onto her.
I honestly came away from this film with three distinct impressions: tits, blood, and vampire teeth. I honestly cannot explain the plot to you, hence the short summary above. It makes very little sense. There are writhing vampire women, Van Helsing, Dracula, some sort of plot to put a super-uber black plague into the world, and an evil bunch of Satanists. How that all fits together remains a mystery. Yet I still found it immensely enjoyable as a giggle-inducing cult classic.
First, there’s the rampant unnecessary nudity so typical of the 1970s. Then there’s the costumes that are obviously trying to be exotic, but just succeed in looking like the 1970s. The insane plot becomes irrelevant when you’re faced with scene after scene of ridiculous costumes, sentences, and moments. Nothing induces hilarity quite like a dungeon full of half-naked writhing vampire women being taken out by a bunch of sprinklers, because apparently any water works not just holy water.
All of which is to say, while I found this film hilarious and entertaining, you have to have a certain personality type to enjoy it. If you like classic, serious old-school horror films, this isn’t for you. If you like plots that make sense, this isn’t for you. However, if you like 1970s romps full of unintentionally hilarious scenes and nudity, then you’ll certainly enjoy this film. The vampires don’t hurt either.
3.5 out of 5 stars
Source: Gift
Movie Review: The Happiest Millionaire (1967)
Summary:
This live-action Disney musical tells the story of the Biddle family through the eyes of their recent Irish immigrant butler, John Lawless. Anthony Biddle is independently wealthy and a bit eccentric doing everything from keeping alligators to running a Bible study group that includes learning boxing. He must not only face it that his beloved daughter, Cordy, is growing up, but also come to accept her choice of husband.
Review:
I added this to my queue after calling my dad up to pester him to help me remember a movie I used to watch with him when I was little. All I could remember was “there were alligators in the house.” Based on that, he guess The Happiest Millionaire, and he was right!
It’s an odd experience watching a movie that resides in your subconscious. What really stuck out in my memory was the songs. Two in particular “Bye-Yum-Pum-Pum,” which is all about how to flirt with boys and “Let’s Have a Drink On It,” which is essentially John trying to get the young groom to be wasted to keep him in town for the night. It’s your classic Disney musical numbers, and they’re all fun.
I was at first surprised and then not surprised at all to see that this movie is really about the father/daughter relationship. Suddenly why my dad used to watch it with me made sense. Mr. Biddle is trying to protect his daughter while simultaneously letting her go live her own life. Similarly, Cordy loves her papa and is trying to learn how to be herself while still being his daughter. It’s really quite touching and gently handles a relationship that isn’t talked about very much.
I also was pleased to see that this was Lesley Ann Warren’s first big screen role. I love her in pretty much everything I’ve ever seen her in. I think she’s under-recognized among fans of musicals, and that’s sad. Her voice is so unique, and she really emotes with her eyes. Also, Fred MacMurray plays the role of Mr. Biddle, which was fun to see.
Overall, I recommend this to fans of Disney movies and musicals alike, but especially to those who enjoy a film about the father/daughter relationship.
4 out of 5 stars
Source: Netflix
Movie Review: Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Summary:
Dead bodies start inexplicably returning to life. The horde slowly bears down on an old farmhouse full of a random group of survivors. The night wears on, and eventually only one person is left.
Review:
George Romero’s classic is essentially what jump-started the cult fascination with zombies. It established a lot of the unofficial rules for zombies–you have to destroy their brain to destroy them, they’re slow moving, etc… I guess its status as a zombie classic left me with certain expectations. Some were met; others were not.
It is filmed in black and white and makes excellent use of shadows. The soundtrack is exactly what is to be expected from an old horror movie, and honestly some modern horror movies could learn a thing or two from it. The collection of a bunch of strangers in one house to fight off the hoarde is now considered to be a trope, but it was interesting to see the collection of characters assembled by George Romero. There’s the terrified woman, the cowardly man, the brave intelligent man, the brave man who’s a follower, and the person who’s been bitten. The decade certainly shows in the characterization as none of the women are the kick-ass female character we’ve come to expect in modern times. That was a bit disappointing.
I was completely shocked to see that the role of the last survivor went to a black actor. This was incredibly progressive for the 1960s, and he was truly there as a man who just happened to be black, not the requisite black guy. It was refreshing and pleasant to see, particularly in such an old movie. ‘The zombies though, just didn’t look like zombies. They were rather gaunt, but none of the decay or general zombie-look we’re used to in modern movies was present. Also, when they say slow-moving, they mean slow-moving. I’m pretty sure the actors were mostly moving in place for a lot of the shots. That was a bit too slow-moving for my taste. Another interesting factoid, the word “zombie” is never used once in the movie. The dead. The living dead. The arisen dead. But not zombie.
By far the most frightening scene and one that is repeated in zombie movies to this day is when the arms reach through the boarded windows at the people inside attempting to hold the boards on. The clawing hands and moans of the undead sent shivers down my spine. The movie is worth viewing for that scene alone.
Overall, viewing this classic it is understandable why it came to be one. Although certain aspects of zombies have been improved upon with time, the ground-work is evident here. I highly recommend this film to any fans of the horror genre or those interested in the presence of 1960s culture and mores in film.
4 out of 5 stars
Source: Netflix
Movie Review: Hostel (2006)
Summary:
Two Americans traveling through Europe are disappointed at the lack of European lady action, when a Danish man informs them of a hostel in Eastern Europe where the women are all over Americans. The men go there, but as new friends and finally one of them disappear, they discover a sinister game played by the Eastern Europeans.
Review:
The concept of this film is great. A rural area where Europeans pay to torture to death people on a sliding scale based on the person’s nationality. Unfortunately, the film takes way, way too long to get there.
My friend and I watching the film turned toward each other after about half an hour of seeing a gratuitous amount of tits and asked, “Um, is this a horror movie or a sex in Europe movie?” Not that we were complaining about the nudity, it’s just we signed up for horror, blood, and guts, not sex. Fine, set it up that these guys are vacationing in Europe, but don’t take so dammed long to do it.
The actual scenes of torture are truly gruesome. There was much vocalization of “ahhh!” and “ewww!” Yet the scenes lacked the depth of similar scenes in Saw or The Human Centipede, because the audience doesn’t yet know why the torture is occurring. It simply feels like depraved torture porn, not part of a storyline.
The ending, however, makes up for that enough so that I’m still pleased I watched the film. Obviously, I can’t tell you the ending, but it is cathartic and surprising.
Overall, fans of horror and Tarantino will be pleased they took the time to watch this film, others should steer clear, however.
3 out of 5 stars
Source: Library
Movie Review: The Tourist (2010)
Summary:
The Scotland Yard is watching Elise Ward in the hopes that her ex-boyfriend, Alexander, who owes millions of pounds of back taxes, will contact her. They get their chance when he does, telling her to come to Venice and choose a random tourist of his height and build to trick the cops into thinking is him. The cops don’t fall for it, but unfortunately the mobster Alexander stole billions of pounds from does.
Review:
I’ve been a fan of Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp since I can remember, so that pretty much is the entire reason why I went to go see this film. Unfortunately, I have to say, Angelina and Johnny are starting to show their age. For a film largely based on youth-filled action and passion, this is a bit distracting. Although I enjoyed the old-fashioned storyline, I think I would have enjoyed it better with younger casting. I’m not ageist, but when a storyline is so youthfully oriented, the casting should match.
The storyline itself is thoroughly engaging and refreshing. It’s a romcom in the style of Cary Grant classics like Bringing Up Baby. There’s a bunch of slightly over the top but still believable action. It doesn’t rely on idiocy of the main characters or klutziness to move the story along. It’s over-the-top enough to be engaging and escapist, but still believable instead of laughable.
There are enough plot twists to keep it engaging, and the cinematography strikes the proper balance between clear action-filled shots, quieter romantic scenes, and the more technical scenes of Scotland Yard observing the whole situation.
Overall, it’s an enjoyable film that unfortunately suffers from miscasting. Hopefully romcoms coming out of Hollywood will continue moving in this direction anyway.
3 out of 5 stars
Source: I saw this in theaters.
Movie Review: Saw (2004)
Summary:
Two men wake to find themselves chained on opposite sides of a worn-down, underground bathroom, the newest victims of Jigsaw. Jigsaw doesn’t actually commit murder himself, but instead puts people into situations where they have to make horrible choices in an attempt to save their own life. These men are told the only way out is for one of them to kill the other, and as their time limit ticks on greater amounts of information are revealed about the men’s lives and Jigsaw’s previous victims.
Review:
My very first comment as the end credits rolled was, “Holy crap, I can see why this became a franchise.” The story is sufficiently complex to hold interest. Jigsaw is incredibly creepy as he uses a voice distorted puppet to communicate to his victims. Puppets are always creepy. Bottom line. I love the concept of a serial kidnapper/torturer doing so presumably to teach people a lesson as opposed to just really enjoying gore.
Speaking of gore, it definitely exists in the film, but the most gut-wrenching moments take place just off-screen. Apparently this was re-edited as the original cut showed those moments on-screen, and the MPAA required the cuts for it to receive an R rating. Personally, I think given their low budget, it works better letting the audience’s imagination fill in the worst moments.
Also, Losties will be pleased to know that Michael Emerson, aka creeptastic Ben, has a rather significant role in the film. I loved his acting so much in Lost, and his work here is just as good. I may have squealed a bit every time he showed up on screen. One casting negative, though, is Cary Elwes, who plays one of the men locked in the bathroom, has the worst fake American accent ever. He repeatedly slips in and out of it. I have no idea why they didn’t either just let him be British or hire an American actor for the part. Very odd.
Overall, this horror movie primarily gives viewers chills from the whole idea of such a situation far more so than gore. If horror movies are your thing, you definitely need to give the Saw franchise a shot. It became a franchise for a reason.
5 out of 5 stars
Source: Netflix
Movie Review: Soylent Green (1973)
Summary:
In the then moderately distant future of 2022, the world has turned to being a congested chaos due to overpopulation and global warming. People survive on various colors of food-like paste sold by Soylent, the favorite of which is Soylent Green. When a police man is called in to investigate the murder of an unusually wealthy man, he realizes it all has to do with the Soylent Corporation and makes a sinister discovery.
Review:
Obviously I came at this movie knowing the “spoiler” that Soylent Green is people. What scifi nerd hasn’t heard that quote? Still, even coming in knowing the big secret, I was expecting more from this film. By far the most enjoyable portion takes place in the wealthy man’s condo where we learn women have come to be attached to condo’s as part of the “furniture” and are passed along with the condo from owner to owner. In return for being the lady of the house, they get safety, security, and food. A whole other story could be told with what is essentially a return to the caveman way of doing things. Unfortunately, this gets glossed over for the supposedly more interesting plot line.
The story is told like a 1970s futuristic version of a film noir. We have the detective fighting all odds to get to the nitty gritty truth of the story. Of course, this is the 1970s version of a future dystopia. As such, the wealthy dwellings look straight out of a 1970s porno, and the unfortunate dystopic surroundings of the poor look eerily similar to a hot and sweaty version of communist Russia. It’s an odd dichotomy that doesn’t quite work.
I was waiting for the film to move from setting up the dystopia to slowly building the horror up, but it never happened. Honestly, given the intensely overpopulated surroundings these people live in and severe lack of food, I actually came away thinking that recycling the dead almost seemed logical, and being a vegetarian, that’s quite the leap for me to make! Clearly the film missed its mark somehow. When the policeman rants about the humans being treated as cattle, all I could think was how earlier in the film both he and a friend drooled over a slab of beef. Why should I be horrified that he feels as if he’s being treated like cattle when he would willingly treat cattle exactly the same way? I was left with no sympathy for him, only for the women who get passed along as furniture with the condo’s in this future.
Overall, Soylent Green had the potential to tell an interesting story of a future where women revert back to their old subservient roles as a survival tactic. Instead, it unfortunately veers off toward a storyline I find unsympathetic and that rings as falsely horrifying given the general set-up of the movie. There are far better 1970s horror films out there, as well as better dystopias.
2 out of 5 stars
Source: Netflix
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